Sexuality

Few things have the ability to cause psychological distress in the way sexual difficulties can. Men will often stick their heads in the sand, keep quiet and hope that the problem will go away or resolve itself. More often than not this doesn’t happen. The most common enemy of enjoyable sexuality is self-consciousness and performance anxiety. An added stress is that men can feel that this problem reflects badly on them and feel unnecessary shame.

Most of us experience some kind of difficulty in our sexual relationship at some point.  The origins of the problem are various and can happen at any age. Sex is a powerful source of pleasure and intimacy. It is meant to be enjoyed and like food it nurtures and satisfies. It is a way of couples sharing mutual pleasure and has the ability to cement relationships.

If the physical cause has been eliminated then the problem is of an emotional or psychological origin.

Common problems resolved are:

  • Loss of desire/interest or a discrepancy of desire
  • Erectile difficulties
  • Early (premature) or inhibited (delayed) ejaculation
  • Orgasmic difficulties

Loss of Desire

Loss of desire can either be partial, or total. Partial loss of desire means that you have stopped initiating sexual contact with your partner, but will sometimes respond to their approaches. Total loss of desire means that you don’t want to have sexual contact at all.

Challenging life events such as, job insecurity, money worries bereavement and birth of a child may cause loss of desire. It is also a known side effect of some medications, such as anti-depressants.

If there is dissatisfaction, disappointment or unhappiness in your relationship, understandably a loss of interest in sex is often a response.

Erection Problems

‘Erectile difficulties’ means that you don’t always (or never) get an erection when you feel aroused, or get an erection but it isn’t reliable and makes penetration difficult or impossible.

This can be very difficult for you and your partner and result in high levels of distress and anxiety. At the onset I will focus on practical ways of maintaining a non-anxious state. Guided visualisation and hypnosis are the most effective way of connecting strongly with this natural resource.

If medical reasons have been discounted, then therapy can be extremely effective in bringing about rapid improvement.

Ejaculation difficulties

Premature ejaculation

This may occur because the man doesn’t recognise that he is about to ejaculate. Or when he does recognise he is approaching ejaculation, he feels he is unable to control or delay the process.

Ejaculation once it has reached a certain level of stimulation is automatic.

Point of No Return

There is a point of no return also called the point of inevitability, beyond which ejaculation will automatically occur. So, to delay an ejaculation the man learns how to maintain the sensation of on-going pleasure so that he does not reach the point of inevitability before he is ready.

Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation may mean that you cannot ejaculate at all, even through masturbation.

Or it may mean that you cannot ejaculate through penetration, or take what you and your partner feel to be an excessively long time.

Provided the cause is not medical (several forms of medication can interfere with ejaculation), then in my experience delayed ejaculation responds well therapy.

Orgasm

An orgasm is much more than an ejaculation or ‘cumming’.

It goes beyond the physical and can actually be the most intensely enjoyable experience. An orgasm in a loving relationship can be intimate on an emotional level.

The quality of an orgasm is impossible to define as it is so subjective, has a lot to do with expectation, past experience and psychological health and trust.

As we relax into the experience, enjoy ours and our partners body we will expand our appreciation of sexuality.

The consequence of an enriched sex experience is increased confidence and enhancement of the relationship

Pain

No matter how much they might love or desire their partner, both men and women can experience pain through intercourse.

Women can experience pain when they are not fully aroused, or with some penetration positions. However, pain can also be caused by pelvic infections and other medical conditions.

In men, arousal can be painful if the foreskin is tight.

Provided that the pain is not caused by a medical condition, then therapy is extremely good at helping you develop rich, satisfying sexual relationship with your partner.

Vaginismus and vestibulodynia are common types of dyspareunia in women, and there is information on this under ‘penetration difficulties’.

Sexual phobias

A sexual phobia is a fear or anxiety of some kind that impacts your ability to become aroused. The phobia can be specific, for example, you will not touch your partner’s penis. Alternatively, it may be more general, such as an aversion to any kind of foreplay.

With guided visualisation or hypnosis, phobias are relatively simple to resolve

Illness or disability

Therapy can help you work out how to manage the impact of health problems or disability on your sexual relationship.

Your confidence can be affected by such things as: Finding it hard to feel sexual after surgery that changes the way you look. You might worry about either hurting your partner or getting hurt after a major operation.

Sex therapy helps you adapt the way you make love and discover new ways to express yourself sexually

What can you expect?

I am well aware of the emotional impact that is often associated with sexual problems and so you can expect from me sensitivity and respect. Because I am a solution focused therapist I am committed to a successful outcome.

I offer a free initial assessment. This is an opportunity for you to find out more about what I can do, and for me to find out whether I think I would be helpful for you.

There may be times when it is difficult to about sex, because I use the skills of hypnosis, visualisation and NLP I don’t have to know the details of your problem for successful therapy, this saving you from unnecessary embarrassment or self-consciousness.

How many sessions can I expect?

As a Solutions therapist I aim to be as brief as possible. The way that I work I expect results at the earliest opportunity. This is what I expect and I believe you do too. The advantage of using hypnosis or visualisation over just simply talking about the problem and offering suggestions is that it communicates directly with the part of your mind that is responsible for change.

On average I see clients from between 2 and 6 sessions.

What about confidentiality?

I don’t share information from or about you, unless I think that someone is at risk of serious harm. In this instance, I would seek to discuss it with you first.

I work with a supervisor, and they quality control my work. They make sure I am working ethically and effectively, in