Couples coaching

Many things are important to us including our possessions but no possession comes close to bringing the joy, comfort and pleasure that a good relationship can. Imagine if this world was devoid of people sharing intimacy, trust and fun, how purposeful would our lives feel? Like ways no pain can match the intensity of a relationship going wrong.

There may be the exception such as a hermit, but in the main a good personal relationship, one where you are at ease just being who you are is one of life’s treasures. Inevitably there will be a dynamic tension because after all there are two individuals here.

Part of the challenge of maintaining a successful relationship is that a relationship is two individuals. Individuals who have their own personal history, present day challenges and best hopes for the future. Invariably these individual needs can come into conflict with the shared goals. With that will comes time when the most satisfying relationship s put under pressure.

There are many reasons why a relationship hits troubled water. When it does one thing that goes west is communication; or more accurately honest open communication. This is understandable when there may be other emotions present such as anger, disappointment or anxiety.

The first step is to be able to express clearly and hear accurately

The fundamental building block to understanding and moving on is actually saying want you mean and been heard the way you said it. Likewise to your partner to be able to say what he/she means and to know this has been heard.

If your relationship is important to you and is going through troubling times and you want something better, then the first step is to begin talking to each other. My job is to facilitate an environment in which you are able to talk to each other in a way that is honest and open.

I appreciate that this in itself can sound challenging – being ‘open and honest’ when probably these are two qualities that are presently absent. It may help to think that what will be put in the spotlight is the relationship. Think of the relationship as sometime that flows between you and your partner. Something that you co create; It cannot exist without your positive intention whilst at the same time it is separate from you.

This process requires patience and care and will take place safely and fairly with an eye to a ‘win-win’ outcome. Win-win is in a place beyond blame. It may not always be easy or comfortable but it will meet out fundamental need to be true to ourselves and be fair to those people important to us.